Tariel was kind enough to perform the transport
rite for me to the Taureanna circle, but could not be persuaded to
join me for the high feast of Surya. I suspect that fact that I
intend to walk to Caras Estarwae in part put her off, but I could
sense her hesitance was more than that. A fear of the unknown? I was
dismissive of it at the time, now I feel that I should've paid more
attention.
For now, I am far from at ease.
The waywardens near the transport circle were
kind enough to provide me with directions and other useful
information to ease my travels. Apparently my name is known to them,
thanks to the waywarden I met at the Gorsedd and my appearance
distinctive. They know that technically, these lands are my home and
as such have extended me the courtesy of their protection while in
Taureanna. I declined the offer of a guide, as I am not in the mood
for new company, but their advice was welcome. Which places to avoid,
which paths to use and how to recognise the trailsigns that locate
the treebased flets they use to overnight in the wilderness. I am
writing from one of these flets now. They are strangely comfortable
and could readily accommodate a few individuals, with space for a
fire. I am very grateful for the time spent alone on Amnor learning
how to light the wretched things.
I also have iron, flint, tinder and other fire
making tools in my backpack as a matter of routine now.
The waywardens were non-specific as to whether
anything in the wilderness could climb up to these flets. That is not
an encouraging thought. I seem possessed of an abundance of these at
present.
Taureanna is beautiful, but the land is
possessed of a strange melancholy that I can best describe as
"autumnal" even though I can see the signs of spring
everywhere. There is not the same sensation of restless energy that
heralds spring on Amnor, with the wild and tempestuous weather. The
feeling here is somewhere between serene and languid. Maybe the
melancholy is what I have brought with me? for as I have said, I am
not at ease here.
Indeed, I have a sense of foreboding. A strong
sense.
I do not know what to expect of the elves of
Caras Estarwae and the other members of House Beru'thiel. Will they
meet the expectations of the other Lions and be vain, condescending
and aloof? Will they be possessed of a sense of racial superiority
that is likely to provoke the non-elves in attendance? Am I going to
spend my time trying to defuse disputes between different races
because neither side will see sense?
More than that, I wonder what they will make of
me, given what I look like and what I am. Not that I am any more
certain as to what I am. Which in turn will make it all the harder to
explain myself if I am asked or what my purpose is here. Just because
I am of Beru'thiel does not mean they will or should welcome me.
To bodyguard Apsenniel in the city of her
people? A nonsense. Surely she is safest here of anywhere in all the
heartlands. I am little more than a redundancy in the unlikely event
that the city should fall and every waywarden, guard, elf and
Gryphon, should be sundered unto the earth.
I am an advisor? In a city of Elves who are
millennia older than I and remember times I cannot even begin to
conceive of. What use am I, who can barely recall his own life? let
alone provide meaningful discourse on past history. I cannot read any
of the signs written in Elvish. My ignorance is staggeringly
offensive.
I have no rank no authority. Clara will speak
on behalf of the Lions and I am nobody's emissary.
There is a part of me that thinks it would be
enough to set my eyes upon the tower of Caras Estarwae and then turn
away and head back to Amnor. Where I belong and at least provide some
small use to the Order, the faction and the people of Lantia. Perhaps
if the sky is clear tomorrow I will see the tower from atop this
flet?
But I will go. I promised I would. If nothing
else I will sit in on the council meeting and hear what the other
elves do or do not have to say. If necessary I will share my thoughts
and that will be enough. I can always leave once that is done.
Some warrior. Some "competent elf." I
am barely arrived and already thinking of leaving. But, I felt more
at ease in Teutonia than I do here.
Sleep will not be easy.
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